


luminaries

by prodbeomgyu



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: A lot of star references, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Chaebol Choi Soobin, Flashbacks, Fluff, Implied Beomjun, M/M, but not too much, i think, idk how to tag im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28379646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prodbeomgyu/pseuds/prodbeomgyu
Summary: What happens when two stars collide?(The story is simple: Soobin is rich. Huening Kai isn't. They fall in love. But when one starts having insecurities they're not willing to communicate, it suddenly doesn't become so simple anymore.)
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Comments: 6
Kudos: 76
Collections: TXT Secret Santa Fic Fest 2020





	luminaries

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cookiesnuna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookiesnuna/gifts).



> ohmygod . if i have any incorrect astrology/star references i'm so sorry i tried- (also every > / < represents a jump from past to present and vice versa, hence the tense changes, i hope it doesn't get confusing ;;)

Huening Kai doesn’t believe he’s enough. 

When he’s constantly surrounded by reminders of how inadequate he is, how can he?

He glances at the bracelet clasped around his wrist and fiddles with each planetary charm, the pads of his fingers tracing every intricate detail. It was the only expensive gift he was willing to accept from his boyfriend. Compared to the worn-out jackets and imitation clothing he’s used to wearing, the bracelet is the only out of place accessory too. 

It doesn’t fit him. 

Upon hearing the sound of the penthouse door open, Kai stands from his place on the couch to greet the clearly exhausted boy removing his shoes by the door. He slowly unwraps the scarf hugging the taller’s neck, his hand stroking the priceless silk. 

“Wash up and go to bed soon, you must be tired from the dinner.” Kai makes sure to lower his voice, fully knowing that loud noises easily irritate Soobin when he’s tired. The latter only nods to it with half-lidded eyes before loosening his own tie and lumbering to the bathroom in silence.

Kai only watches as Soobin walks away adorned in a suit he can only ever dream of affording. 

Later when they’re both comfortable under the cotton blanket, Huening Kai hears his name being called amidst his failing attempt to fall asleep. “What is it hyung?” He whispers back. 

“I was thinking,” Kai’s ears pick up the wariness in Soobin’s tone, hope weaved beneath it. The younger senses from then that whatever is going to come out of Soobin’s mouth next, he won’t like it, and Soobin knows it too, yet still praying otherwise. “Winter break is coming soon, and it would be really nice to spend it with you. I was deciding on a trip to Switzerland, but we can go to Geoje too if you want something less grand and more local.” 

“..I can’t.”

The almost immediate refusal makes Soobin sit up, he’s unable to hide his frustration as he responds, “Why not? We’ll both be less busy, and I know you don’t like it when it’s too costly so it’s fine if we don’t have to go abroad.” 

“I don’t want to, hyung.”

On a normal night, the conflict would have ended there, would have ended with Soobin sighing in resignation before kissing Kai on the temple and telling him that it’s fine, because he just wants what the younger wants. 

But perhaps the fact that this has happened countless times before had caused disappointment and exasperation to build up within Soobin, left ignored until the control he had over them slipped from his fingers. “I just don’t understand Kai. I don’t try to give you gifts or take you on trips to show off, I just want to make you happy.” 

“Well I’m not!” Kai snaps back, but regrets it not a second later after seeing the hurt expression that registers on the older’s face. It’s too late to take it back now though. “You don’t understand.”

“Then help me, make me. I want to understand you Kai, but you’re not letting me.” 

Huening Kai almost apologizes, the desperation that he can both see and hear from Soobin makes him want to. 

Whenever the former looks at his lover, he finds only pure adoration and a genuine willingness to compromise. The wide difference in their respective social classes had left a wedge between them bigger than they thought, but they try their best each day to overcome it through mutual respect and continuous efforts to seek a middle ground. 

In this moment however, as they’re enclosed by tension and white noise, Kai looks at Soobin and sees the mocking glances sent his way, the other guests gossiping about his status as part of the lower middle class, his schoolmates not even bothering to be subtle when they accuse him of being a gold digger. 

“Even if I do, you still won’t. You never will.” 

It’s only in that moment, yet it pushes Kai to leave the bed and get dressed, hastily placing into his pocket his wallet and phone. There’s no need to pack other things, he still has essentials and clothes back at his family’s house. 

“What are you doing? Where are you going?!” Soobin questions with wet eyes. “I’m sorry, we don’t have to go on that trip. We don’t have to go anywhere! Just don’t leave!” He yells, but doesn’t make a move to reach out, torn between convincing Kai to stay and respecting what he wants. 

“I can’t do this hyung, we can talk when I come back. It’s just that right now when I look at you,” Kai turns his back on Soobin. “I don’t feel home anymore.” 

The statement silences the older and numbs him, too. Unable to move his limbs or even form any words, Soobin merely stares at the other as he wrapped his coat around his figure tighter and slipped in his mud-stained shoes.

Heading out the front door alone pierces a blade through Kai’s chest and each step twists it deeper. Upon his leave from the penthouse, Soobin wasn’t the only one who was left behind, half of Kai was too. 

Even so, he can’t bring himself to go back. 

He’s not enough. 

  
  
<  
  
  


The first time Huening Kai met Soobin, the latter had opened the door crying unshed tears of frustration. Apparently, he had been spending the past hour trying to learn how to use his washing machine, Kai found out after kindly asking what’s wrong. 

So this is why his mother was so adamant on him looking after a college sophomore.

He resisted the first time she requested it, after all, why should he take care of someone older than him? Perhaps he would have understood if the person he was to care for was someone with a disability and needed help with a few chores. But the only description his mother provided was that the guy is named Choi Soobin, her boss’s 20 year old son, very much sheltered since childhood—spoiled, in Kai’s words—so he needed help becoming independent. 

Right, Kai recalled then, his mother works as the head maid for a prestigious family. 

After being provided with step-by-step directions on how to turn on a washing machine and what each of the settings meant, Soobin understood relatively fast how to do his own laundry. He appeared to be a quick learner, seeing as Kai didn’t have to repeat any instructions. So the only problem is that he needed help with things that required only… common sense. 

“Thank you for your help,” Soobin told Kai politely before handing him a fifty-thousand won bill that had the younger weak in the knees. 

“Wait no- it’s okay! I just helped out with a washing machine, no need for payment! Please put that back in your wallet!” Kai gently pushed back the other male’s hand as a gesture of refusal. As much as he would have loved receiving money for doing the bare minimum, his conscience unfortunately didn’t allow it. “Instead, please hand me your phone.”

“My… phone? Although it’s within my budget to purchase a new one, my current phone already holds too much private information. It would be a hassle to transfer all of them.” 

Kai blinked back in confusion at Soobin’s response because first of all, why does he sound like an analytical essay personified? And second, why is he suddenly talking about buying a new phone and transferring data? 

“I’d prefer to buy you a new one instead of giving you mine, is there any particular model you have in mind?” 

It was only until then that it dawned on Kai how badly Soobin misunderstood him. Along with this realization is an assumption that oh, Soobin must be one of  _ those _ people—those who not only treat money like toys, but also genuinely believe that absolutely every matter in the world can be dealt with through paper bills.

The shorter took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself down. If this was the son of his mother’s boss, then the  _ idiot _ in front of him was still technically Kai’s boss too by the laws of heredity. “I’m not asking for any form of payment, I just want to enter my phone number in your phone so you can contact me in case you need my help again.”

When he spotted the tips of Soobin’s ears redden in embarrassment, Kai tried his best not to let his smugness and satisfaction show. “Oh, I apologize. Alright then, I will call you in case I’m in need of your assistance again.”

Once he was finished typing his number, Kai slightly dipped his head down to bow before leaving through the ash wood door of the penthouse. 

As he descended from the top floor to ground, he hoped this was the first and last time he would find himself in the luxurious elevator he’s currently in. Its interior was made of mirrors that reflected back at him his four year old green hoodie and black sweatpants, stark contrasts to the cashmere sweater Soobin bore and even the gold-lined buttons of the elevator. The juxtaposition made him feel called out despite doing nothing, like a sore thumb even with no one else around.

So really, it would have been nice if he never had to see Soobin again. 

This wish however, barely lasted twenty-four hours, because the next day after class, the said male phoned him and said he needed help in the supermarket. He had no problem with talking to the cashier and he definitely had no issues with payment, what he was struggling with were the groceries themselves; he had no idea what to buy. 

“Alright, which supermarket is it? I’ll be on the way soon.”

“Uh, I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? You don’t know where you are right now?” 

“I’m still at home right now, no driver is present to take me there and I don’t know how to get to the nearest supermarket, or even where it is so…”

Huening Kai could tell that Soobin was embarrassed based on the way the latter trailed off, and he didn’t want to be mean by making his annoyance so obvious, so he held back a deep sigh and told Soobin he’ll be on his way to the penthouse before hanging up. 

The exchange made Kai wonder how pampered the rich boy must have been growing up. He felt envious. Not biting his nails about student debt, not worrying about choosing income over passion, not anxious over the future. Kai was envious. 

But it’s not like he could blame Soobin for being born with a silver spoon in his mouth or for the manner he was raised.

However, Kai could at least make fun of him for being so clearly naive about how to act outside the world of fancy parties and luxury. 

“Soobin, we’re just going to buy groceries.” 

“Yes, I’m aware.”

“So why are you dressed in a Burberry trench coat and Gucci leather loafers? You wanna get robbed out there?” 

“Am I a bit too overdressed?” 

A conflicted expression registered on Kai’s face, torn between snorting and sighing in exasperation. “Let’s go back inside, I’ll sift through your closet and look for something more appropriate. Would that be okay?”

Soobin easily allowed him inside then led him to his spacious walk-in closet. Because  _ of course _ , Kai almost scoffed, a rich boy would have a closet more than half the size of his own bedroom. The younger’s eyes darted around the room and noticed that it mostly consisted of suits, blazers, and formal button-ups; no doubt each and every one of them bought from lavish local brands and international names Kai wasn’t even sure how to pronounce.

Has this boy never tried to dress casually in his life?

The least expensive-looking piece of clothing Kai found was a comfortable black hoodie, tagged with Yves Saint Laurent, but nonetheless better than a polo and a trench coat. “Here, and then change your loafers into sneakers. I’ll wait in the living room.”

  
  
  


Soobin’s cluelessness continued even beyond the penthouse, all the way to the bus they rode to the supermarket. Kai had let him step onto the vehicle first, not expecting him to immediately hand bills to the bus driver. The action had Kai taking out his own transportation card in a haste to pay for his and Soobin’s fares, before proceeding to drag the latter to the very back of the bus. 

“That was  _ not _ how you pay! Really, what kind of 20 year old has never taken public transportation in his life? Or doesn’t know what to buy for groceries? Or doesn’t know how to set a  _ damn _ washing machine?” The freshman’s voice was soft, yet his tone harsh. He pinched the bridge of his nose; a habit of his in moments of frustration. 

Kai never wanted this. He already had his hands full with maintaining his university scholarship and searching for a part-time job that can fit with his class schedule. He was already bearing the weight of knowing that what awaits him after graduation is a student loan he’ll be paying for the next decades of his life. And now he had another burden he was forced to carry: a spoiled company heir who lacked any semblance of common sense. 

Sure, maybe his thoughts were a little mean but he couldn’t help it, the whole situation was simply ridiculous to him. 

He never wanted this. 

“I’m sorry.”

Kai’s head snapped towards the boy next to him. With his head lowered and shoulders hunched, for someone so tall, Soobin looked so  _ small _ . Apologetic. Ashamed. 

“I know I may appear idiotic in your eyes right now and I don’t blame you,” Soobin humorlessly chuckled. He was naive to his surroundings, but not oblivious to it. Each sigh of vexation from Huening Kai never went unheard. “I was sickly as a child and easily got hurt, so my mother became obsessively overprotective, even until now. It actually took me a while to persuade her to let me live alone. So, growing up I was homeschooled and always inside.”

As the older shared his story, guilt formed at the base of Kai’s stomach and worsened until it plagued his ribs and the back of his throat.

“I hope you can be just a little more patient with me, because I don’t mean to be this way, it’s just.. what I got used to.” 

The younger knew this already, that he can’t reprimand Soobin for the way he was raised. But pushed by his irritation and lingering exhaustion after having just finished his class for the day, Kai had let his mean thoughts slip. 

He never wanted this, but he had to remind myself that maybe Soobin didn’t either. 

Kai peeked at the sky before exhaling deeply, “I’m sorry too.” 

Despite their acknowledgment to the other’s apology, the tension between them remained, thickening each passing minute due to the silence. 

Unsure of how to alleviate the apprehension, Kai blanked out. “You know, transportation cards can be used elsewhere too, not just buses.” 

Pathetic. Out of all things to talk about, he chose the lamest possible one. 

“Really? Where else?” 

But oddly enough, it was enough to pique Soobin’s interest. His form straightened and his eyes fixated onto the other, glimmering with childlike curiosity. 

An amused grin etched itself on Kai’s face without him knowing. The irony of it all was funny to him. He’s heard his mother talk a few times about how the family she works for have traveled to cities even she hasn’t heard of, Kai was sure that Soobin was included in all those trips. 

To see the latter appear so invested in something so mundane caused a speckle of mirth to bloom within Huening Kai, tickling him into laughter. 

The rest of the ride was spent in explanations of how and where to use transportation cards, and where to buy them. 

If Kai later noticed a bounce in Soobin’s steps as the older pushed the grocery cart, he didn’t comment, settling on smiling in silence as he placed more microwaveable meals in the cart.

  
  
>  
  
  


Soobin believes he’s too much. 

Perhaps that’s why Kai left him in a haste just the previous night. 

Maybe by always offering to buy him gifts and plane tickets, Soobin, in Huening Kai’s eyes, had turned into a walking manifestation of everything that suffocates him. 

Is that what he is to his lover? Just a cage made of rusting gold? 

“What happened?” 

Soobin’s gaze shifts from the untouched glass of grape juice in front of him to his best friends sitting right across. Their chairs are slid together and the younger of the two is currently fiddling with the dangling earring of the other, while the pink-haired male sits rigidly still and lets him. 

“I don’t know,” Soobin answers honestly. He really doesn’t. “He’s so kind to me, he never wants to be a burden to me so he never tells me when something is wrong either. I try to give him something, he says he doesn’t want it, but he never says why and I’m left just taking everything back without knowing why I should.” 

With most of his life spent in learning how to become the perfect heir with either his private tutors or his parents’ company colleagues, Soobin never had the time nor the opportunity to involve himself in matters outside of business and stocks. 

Being in love was something new to him, it’s a phenomenon he’s still getting accustomed to even now, so he’s been loving Kai the only way he knows how—through money. However, based on the younger’s reactions and their recent arguments, it seems to be the exact thing that pushed them apart. 

“I just want to love Huening Kai the way he deserves, the way he wants,” Pained eyes and forced smiles flash briefly through Soobin’s mind, each scene flickering one by one. “But it’s like he doesn’t want to tell me how.”

“Have you tried asking him about that?” 

When he receives only silence in response, the oldest of the trio finds out the answer. “You’re both making it so difficult for yourselves when the answer is so simple. Talk to him, Soob.” 

“It’s just- I’m so afraid. For us who were privileged the moment we were born, it’s scary to have someone like that. Someone who makes you feel powerless, no, someone who makes you  _ want _ to feel vulnerable for once and give up everything you have. Doesn’t it scare you?” 

“It does,” Yeonjun’s eyes drift towards the smaller boy sitting next to him, whose fingers are fiddling with his. Beomgyu doesn’t know and Beomgyu isn’t looking back. “All the time.” 

The action doesn’t go unnoticed by Soobin. It’s both funny and pitiful, they all have the same problem. 

“Soobin hyung,” The youngest calls. “Can I borrow one of your hoodies again? It’s cold outside and I’m not up for waiting till I get home to feel warm, and your clothes are always oversized on me.” 

Before Soobin gets to open his mouth to respond, Yeonjun already begins grumbling to gain Beomgyu’s attention back. “I have mine in the car, why do you want to borrow someone else’s?” 

“Oh, I just assumed you’d want to use it for yourself.”

“No, what I want is for you to wear it if you feel cold. I’ll go get it from the car.”

At Yeonjun’s departure, Soobin raises a brow at the boy left with him. “He doesn’t even want you borrowing clothes that aren’t his, how much of a bigger sign do you need to realize he likes you back?”

“He doesn’t!” The tips of Beomgyu’s ears redden in embarrassment. “Besides, maybe it looked like I wasn’t paying attention to what you were saying, but I was. And you’re right, it’s scary. I’m scared too, okay?”

“Until when are you going to keep dancing around your feelings then?”

“Until my feet get tired.”

“You’re hopeless.”

“Who isn’t?”

Soobin compares his own situation to his friends’. Beomgyu and Yeonjun are swimming in an endless whirlpool of denial and secrets, both not brave enough to grasp the lifeline despite it dangling right in front of them. Meanwhile, he’s been willingly diving into a sea full of the indefinite and the unknown to bask in just one scintillating ray of sunlight.

But at least, unlike Beomgyu and Yeonjun, unlike the rest, 

At least Soobin is certain that Huening Kai loves him too. 

What kind of coward would he be if he doesn’t fight for that?

  
<  
  
  


The first time Soobin felt his chest tighten around Huening Kai, it was under the watchful gaze of the sinking sunset sky.

Each time the freshman came to help him again with groceries or basic chores, Soobin would offer money in return, only for Kai to always refuse, saying that it didn’t feel right getting paid for something so simple. 

“What would you be willing to accept then? I personally feel quite bad for always calling you to come here without giving you anything in return.” Soobin was yet to fully understand how to function independently, but he knew to himself that he at least should have the basic human decency to repay others’ kindness. 

“Fine, if you insist, I won’t ask for too much,” Kai pauses. A particular emotion appeared in his eyes and left as soon as it came. Soobin knew what it was—loneliness, a sentiment that was familiar to him, too. 

“I just want someone to read the stars with me.” 

Soobin was caught off-guard by the response, both because it was one he didn’t expect and one he didn’t understand. Read the stars? What did that mean?

He led Kai to his penthouse’s balcony where they could have a clear view of the soft pink- orange above and the gray asphalt twenty stories below. When the latter cast him a puzzled glance, Soobin pointed at the sky. “The sun is only on its way down right now, so the stars aren’t out yet. Will you have the time to wait for them to come out so you can read them? I’m intrigued too regarding how that works.”

Kai blinked at him once, twice, before bursting out in boisterous laughter. It was the same type of laughter he did when Soobin hid behind him once because he was afraid the microwave would explode, or when Soobin forced him to stay a little longer because there was a cockroach roaming in his unit. It was the type of laughter he did whenever he was making fun of the older again.

But Soobin didn’t feel insulted, Huening Kai looked pretty when he laughed. 

“Hyung,” The term was recent too, he told the younger it was okay to be less formal considering they met almost every day. “I’m not going to look up and literally read them, I meant astrology. Have you heard of that?”

“Ah, yes, I have,” Soobin almost let it slip that knowing about it didn’t mean believing, but he bit his tongue after catching sight of the little specks of excitement shimmering within Kai’s normally dark, hooded orbs. “Would you like to analyze mine?” 

When the other’s eyes disappeared due to the wideness of his smile, Soobin knew he made the right decision. “I’d love to! Let’s start with something basic, when is your birthday?”

“December 5.”

“A Sagittarius, I see. It makes sense.” 

Soobin watched Kai scrutinize his character based on his zodiac sign. His words entered one ear and left the other; the former didn’t listen, he  _ watched _ . 

Ironically, as the sky darkened from orange to purple to navy, it was when Soobin saw more of Kai. Like the four moles on the left side of his face; one on the cheek, one near the corner of his mouth, two by his eye. Why didn’t Soobin notice before the little one on the younger’s nose too?

“Oh now it’s dark enough for stars to come out, let’s look up. Who knows, maybe I’ll really get to read something from them.” Kai’s giggles were carried away by the breeze, yet they remained in Soobin’s ears, echoing at the same rhythm his heart was beating.

Soobin didn’t look up. He wasn’t interested in reading the stars, rather there was no need to.

Not when there was a lovelier bundle of constellations already standing right next to him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The next time they talked about astrology was weeks after Soobin realized his feelings, when Kai wanted to compare their moon signs. His was Scorpio, people with the same sign apparently tend to have complex feelings and take their drive from there to live their life meaningfully

Soobin was sure Kai said a lot more, way more considering the male became such a chatterbox when it came to zodiacs, but that was all he could remember. Which was fine, really. Regardless of moon signs, stelliums, mercuries, or whatever else term the freshman had mentioned before, Soobin had his own perspective of Huening Kai. 

Huening Kai was caring. Huening Kai was bright. Huening Kai laughed and smiled without holding back. 

He had an infinite amount of words to describe the boy and how he felt about him too. Or maybe that word itself was how Soobin with Kai—infinite. Perpetual. Endless. 

Freed from expectations to be the perfect son, liberated from his responsibilities as the perfect heir. 

Endless. 

Soobin was pulled from his pool of thoughts when Kai suddenly turned to him to ask,

“How about you hyung? I asked you if you could find out what your moon sign is, did you figure it out?” 

“Uh, apparently my moon is in Pisces. Though again, I’m unsure of what that means.”

“Oh! Well from what I know, you have a gentle nature! You feel concerned about how other people feel and you’re generally a soft person at heart. Aw, that’s so cute of you hyung.” 

Soobin looked away, attempting to will the redness on his cheeks away. Cute wasn’t typically used to describe him, and the fact that it came from Kai’s mouth too flustered him even more. 

“Other than that,” There was a noticeable shift in Kai’s tone. It was softer, hushed, settled down. “I may have made fun of you a lot of times for being so naive, but the one thing you’ll always be sure of are your emotions. You know how you feel. How do you feel right now hyung?” 

Instead of answering the question, the older counters with his own. “What are the stars saying right now?” 

Fortunately, Kai didn’t comment on the sudden change in topic and was nice enough to go along. “Venus is in Capricorn right now. All I know about this is that it’s generally the least attracting time? It’s not gonna be a season for romance. So bottomline? The stars are saying it’s not the time to be taking risks for your feelings.”

Soobin still didn’t understand Kai’s fascination with astrology, the stars themselves however, filled him with wonder too. 

Stars rarely collide, once every ten thousand years, but they can. Depending on each star’s mass and speed, their collision will either create a brighter, more massive star, or end up with both being destroyed to bits. 

“Maybe I can prove the stars wrong.”

“What?”

“The stars were wrong.”

Soobin hoped that as he further drifted into Kai’s atmosphere, the younger would be willing to revolve towards him too. 

Two celestial bodies forming one dazzling star.

“Kai-ya, I like you.”

  
>  
  
  


When Soobin showed up on his doorstep with bloodshot eyes and a face of heartbreak, it takes everything within Kai not to settle on wiping their slate clean so he can be in the taller’s arms again. 

But he’s caused damage too destructive to ignore. 

He’s grateful that the rest of his family weren’t around at the moment. The truth was bound to come out sooner or later, and he has a feeling that now is the moment it will. 

“Can you please tell me what’s wrong?” 

“I don’t think we can be together.”

The silence that follows is suffocating. Kai initially thought he’d feel a weight carry itself off his shoulders once he’s said what he’s been secretly thinking, but all he feels now is an even heavier burden. 

“It’s not your fault,” He swallows. “But it’s not mine either. It’s just.. how it is.” 

A bitter chuckle escapes Soobin. Humorless, almost choked. “Just how it is? So whatever the problem is, you’re just going to let it stay? You’re not even willing to fight for us?”

“You don’t understand.”

“You keep telling me that but I don’t even know what I don’t understand, what’s  _ wrong _ Kai?” 

“I’m not good enough!” 

A supernova occurs when a star accumulates more matter than it can handle. Due to an imbalance of heat and pressure, gravity wins over causing the celestial body to collapse on itself. The star dies. 

Kai trembles as he finally lets go of the sobs he’s been keeping in. The hurtful whispers resonate in his head again, wrapping around him like thorns. “Everywhere we go, I just hear people talking about how pathetic I am for dating you for money. And how you’re so nice for pitying me enough to put up with me. I love being with you, and I love you. It just hurts to remember how different we really are.” 

Soobin appeared so out of place standing in a small house dressed in clothes more costly than the place itself. Even when the older isn’t doing anything, Kai gets reminded of the gap between them. “You carry the world in your hands.”

“I’d drop it the second you ask me to.” Soobin croaks, his throat scratchy and burning from crying. It breaks him to find out this is what the younger felt with him. 

“But you can’t, and I won’t.” Kai’s knees buckle and he crouches down when his tears become too heavy to bear. “You should go, hyung. Please.”

Soobin loves him the most and always follows what he wants. 

So he leaves. 

And Kai is left alone to clean after the remnants of their supernova. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Not wanting to be on his own with his thoughts, Kai heads to a safe space: the shoulder of his best friend. 

“From what I’ve heard in the past and even what you told me just now, I think Soobin really loves you. And that you love him too.” Taehyun gently combs his fingers through the other’s brown locks. On a typical day, he’d usually be blunt with advice and isn’t afraid to put someone in their place when necessary. However, he also knows when he has to step back and lower his voice. 

“I know that, the problem is what the people around us think.” 

“Well why do you care so much about what they say? I can’t imagine how much it hurts, I know I don’t understand how it feels to be in your place. But I have to ask you, Hyuka. You’re willing to give it your all for Soobin, and I’m sure he’s ready to lay down all he has for you too. Are you going to give that up because people, who don’t even know you, think it’s weird that you wear knock-off sneakers?” The corners of Taehyun’s mouth quirk upwards when Kai chuckles and hits him jokingly. 

“Talk to Soobin, Hyuka. And I don’t mean just about this, or only now. I mean when it’s three in the morning and you can’t sleep because you feel bad for the puppy in the movie you just watched, talk to him when someone tries to remind you again that you’re not good enough. Because I’m sure he’ll tell you that you’re more than. Talk to him  _ always _ .”

Kai feels ridiculous now that Taehyun has laid it all out in front of him so simply. All he needed to do was make the choice to communicate. 

Soobin is kind. Soobin is soft-hearted. Soobin always listens because Soobin loves him. 

Why did Kai think he had to fight alone, when Soobin was there the whole time, always read to reach out and fight with him? 

Despite the recent epiphany, Kai doesn’t immediately run back to Soobin, still doubting if trying again is the right decision. 

He looks up each night in hopes of finding the answer within the bursts of light staring back st him. 

Every time, however, he doesn’t see stars anymore. 

He only sees his lover.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


A week after their fight, Soobin remains miserable in his penthouse. Kai crosses his mind in everything he does, the boy taught him everything after all. 

He’s been constantly having dreams of the other too, vivid flashbacks of their first meetings and first dates. Soobin can’t ignore and can’t forget, even if he tries. 

So when Huening Kai enters the penthouse, giggling at him for still using the fourteenth of august as the door’s passcode, Soobin assumes he’s still dreaming. 

When the dazed male doesn’t respond, Kai’s smile falters and a more apologetic expression registers on his face. “I’m sorry, hyung. I never told you about my insecurities when I know you’ll always be willing to ease them. I’ll talk to you now, I’ll talk to you always, but only if you still want to listen. If—If you still want me.” 

Not even a second later, Soobin’s frame engulfs Kai’s. “Don’t be stupid, a week apart will not make me want you any less. I just missed you even more.”

“Kai, never be afraid to tell me when there’s something wrong okay? If people are mocking you again, I’ll immediately shut them down. You’ll always be more than what you think you really are.” His large hands softly cup his boyfriend’s cheeks, making sure not to grip too tight. Soobin has to be careful when he’s touching Kai.

He’s holding the cosmos at his fingertips after all.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


(Later when they’re in a mess of limbs, pillows, and cotton blankets, Soobin asks Kai again, as he usually does, “What are the stars saying?”

“I don’t know.”

The response catches Soobin off-guard. Kai would typically always have any astrology fact daily, it’s the first time he’s replied this way. 

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t know. I don’t look at them anymore, I won’t, so I don’t know.” Kai repeats before gazing up at Soobin.

“I’ll only look at you.”) 

  
  
  



End file.
